Sadness over test scores

I’m not grade conscious but not passing on two shifting exams on physiology is really troubling. I’ve already failed once in this subject I don’t want to fail again. Kulang pa efforts ko, that’s all I need to say to myself to keep my mind on a positive note.


Something has happened today OR I’ve seen something today

I should be the one saying sorry.

I easily judge people, I know this shouldn’t be the case, but right now I’m judging. So, I don’t feel betrayed at all. I’m wondering if I’m disappointed, not sure. But the thing is…

I easily cut people off my life. As easy as 1, 2, 3. I have done it before. I’m not proud of it, but, it’s just me. I’m not as forgiving, really, but I don’t know what to forgive.

Nothing can ever erase what my eyes have seen (except a head trauma of course) :P.

Just thinking of what I’m about to do makes me sad. SNAP! It’s like I’ve forgotten all the other good memories and what’s left is what I have seen. So sorry.


My friends and I swam in our school’s pool which cost us P100 each. (to think that our tuition fee is actually x1000, i wish the dean would cut us some slack and offer it for free or half its current price. sheesh) Anyway, we swam for an hour and a half, my body enjoyed the water. I really wanted to be a swimmer, so I just practiced my free style because it’s the only stroke I know, and I have not perfected it yet. I’m still breathless when I do it. Next time, will try to relax and take it slow when gasping for air. 🙂


I did boxing! I enjoyed it! Would swim and do yoga on Thursday! JUST AN UPDATE!!! (I really did enjoy boxing though!!) WOOHOO!!!

My dreams…. one step at a time

I’m really jealous with 2 of my friends because they’ve hiked over the weekend, and it is my dream to hike a mountain! I was a biology major okay, during my first year I thought I was going to travel my country and do research, but now, I’m in medicine. For now I don’t have a hectic schedule because I’m an irregular student so I have lots of time to do the things I wanna do. Although what I should do with my time is STUDY, life as a medical student can get crazy boring most of the times. So even though I’m a capricorn, I know I should be traditional, conventional (or something), I’ve wanted to do some exploring in my life.

My life is boring, and I’m depressed I haven’t met my other half yet so to take my mind of these emotions I have to:

  1. do creative stuff: (painting, pottery)
  2. sing (I still want to become a theatre actress, or opera singer haha)
  3. travel/explore (bike, hiking)
  4. swim (because i want to become a swimmer even though i only know free-style)

My parents don’t support me on this because:

  1. i’m their child (they don’t want to lose me)
  2. i’m an investment (med school is expensive)
  3. they have no idea i’m sad and disappointed with my life

So i’m not really an honest daughter to my parents because they have problems I don’t want to bother them with mine. And probably because as my mom always says, I should not have any problem because I’m provided everything (what is necessary for my survival). But it’s actually not enough because they haven’t asked me how I was when we were having a family problem, how it affected me until now. So now, I have become a really sad, depressed person. I know my mom would surely be in shock, get mad at me or be disappointed. And my dad would definitely blame my mom for it. How sad…. they don’t know that the life they wanted for me now is not healthy for me, I need to enjoy to take my mind off the problems and the sadness.

If I write a letter to my mom, I think she’ll get mad and get me out of medschool. She’ll angrily ask me what I want. And of course, she’ll make things worst for me. ho hum, so this entry has gotten depressing, back to the main point.

I will just have to prepare myself physically for my future hike as a doctor. Would love to travel for medical missions (my dad and mom are against this too, they want me safe in a city hospital). So I just bought my first ever speedo swimsuit, i feel like I’m a swimmer already. So I shall swim and jog because I’m athletic, and adventurous even in my small frame.

I need to have a month long goal so that I can just start something. To be closer to one of my dreams. 🙂 THIS IS IT. Keeping it positive even though I’m frustrated. There’s a way out of everything! 🙂

The State of My Hair

Recently colored it last month, my first time. And now I have ugly ends. No split ends, just really dry and ugly ends. I really need to have it trimmed! Just maybe next Saturday 🙂